Some astute comments have been posted in response to my previous entry on Empathy 101. This has made me realize that I need to articulate my (our) goals for the program a bit more clearly.
We are not trying to re-socialize these kids – not at all, we are simply working to, as Daniel Goleman says in his book, Emotional Intelligence (1995, New York: Bantam Books) ,
“fulfill our responsibility to assist children in becoming emotionally literate:
Increase SELF-AWARENESS by using materials that help children identify their feelings, build a feelings vocabulary, and recognize links between feelings, thoughts, and actions. Help them assess their strengths and weaknesses and thus develop a realistic view of themselves.
Teach students to MANAGE THEIR EMOTIONS. It is normal to have mood swings, but children need to know that they have the power to cope with negative feelings in constructive ways. They can respond to put-downs and adverse situations by using "self-talk." For example, "Something bad must have happened to Tommy today because he doesn't usually say mean things," instead of thinking, "I hate Tommy and I'm never going to play with him again." Other methods of dealing with negative emotions are to write down your feelings, count slowly, breathe deeply, love a pet, tell someone what happened, sing, read, or draw.
Call attention to NORMS FOR ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR in our society and help children see themselves as contributing members. Increase their social interaction skills by stressing the importance of empathy. Teach them to acknowledge and appreciate differences in others' feelings and perspectives.
Teach them to CONTROL THEIR NEGATIVE IMPULSES through self-regulation. Help students think about their feelings and behavior and evaluate their choices before acting. Provide opportunities for them to delay gratification and to practice using refusal skills when appropriate. Emphasize that the choices they make today will determine the kind of future they will have.
Help students DEVELOP LISTENING AND COMMUNICATION SKILLS. Increase student's awareness of nonverbal communication including tone of voice, gestures, facial expressions, and eye contact. Train them to be good listeners and to express their ideas and emotions clearly and effectively. Teach problem solving, stress management, and negotiation skills. Help children learn to be assertive rather than aggressive or passive.
Challenge students to MOTIVATE THEMSELVES, set clear goals, and develop a hopeful, optimistic attitude. Encourage self-confidence, zeal, patience, and require students to take responsibility for their actions.
INVOLVE PARENTS as much as possible, so that they will be encouraged to model emotionally healthy behavior in the home.
Our “students are looking” to us, their teachers, for “guidance on how people in our society live, so [we] strive to be empathic, self-disciplined, enthusiastic, tolerant, and compassionate.”
Goleman, Daniel. (1995), Emotional Intelligence, New York: Bantam Books.
In response to one comment – we show Western movies because that is what's available – if there were readily accessible Somali films we'd happily teach from those! Our goal is to help students become the mature and stable adults they need to be to reach their goals and interface with many cultures, challenges, and changes in this world.
Last evening's E-101 topic was “Losing with Grace.” The motivation – a lost football match. The point: It doesn't feel good to lose, but when it happens, it is important to maintain your respect for yourself and the others. To add a bit of lightheartedness and mental inspiration to this, last night's discussion leader shared a few of history's most notably clever insults; the point of this was to demonstrate that if you are going to engage, it is important to do so with intelligence or not at all. The outcome was, I think, moderately successful.
Today our students are getting a healthy dose of EQ challenge, as we are handing out midterm progress reports. We hold the students to an incredibly tough standard, and the grades we give are hard-earned. So these kids are showing their mettle now, in the middle of an arduous term. The question in the air on this hill in the desert is, “Teacher, what can I do to improve? How can I be better?!!!!”
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